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The consciousness of the working abbot

The author of Mother.ly tells me that the father is also struggling with guilt.

The consciousness of the working father (Photo: iStock) "Dada!" My 2-year-old Nicholas got up, rushed up to me and welcomed my foot before I could close the front door. The honorary venue of the evening's one-man surprise has arrived. "Hi little guy!" I answered him, kissed him upstairs, and kissed his tiny nose, which luckily for me was not for me, but for my wife. "A lot of things happened to her today!" said my wife, who, like me, had been on a long day at work and told me that our nanny had accounted for Nicholas's program today: baby channel, library music class, learning two letters in ABC puzzle. And now… "Elke," Nicholas finished my thought, gesturing to the chair after carefully examining the partedlis boy, picking the right piece for him, what you can wear to clean your dinner for 45-60 minutes (and eat some snacks).To sum up, our nanny every day sees our one child adorably applauding for a favorite song and letting go of bedtime before bedtime. We also divide our household equally: I can't cook, she hates bathing. And because of Nicholas, we also share the conscience of working parents. Of course, the father can have one - but of course there is a difference in manifesting this guilt in the minds of individual people. There are many aspects to paternal conscience - at home, in the workplace, and even in society. So I feel like I'm often just as uncompromising about working as much as my wife. And this is frustrating for both of us. I think marriage is an equal partnership. And the more transformative the social situation of women is, the more we need to remind ourselves of this - even more complete equality - even if it is impossible to do so, the parental balance is maintained, which usually falls from the very first day. And here the role of work is a key factor. Most dads, including myself, no end up in paternity in a balanced system: while a mother stays home with the baby during her maternity leave, most dads return to the office a few weeks or even a few days after the baby arrives. Well, this is bad, but our society sees the mother as the primary carer from childhood on. and what exactly should be in balance. And work continues to cram free time in a culture that asks fathers to take on a greater part of their parenting responsibilities. And check that okay, that is the expectation, it's scary. However, this cultural development can be liberated, and equally beneficial for mothers and fathers. In the case of the traditional, traditional role of mother, and "housewife" was generally not in balance. As both parents work in more and more households, the better we can lower these old norms, the better. This is how things can even out.Both me and my wife are as much at work and in private as possible. Let's help each other with difficult work tasks, and we try to cause each other not to feel guilty if the job goes a little bit at the expense of family time. We are flexible and can jump in instead of the others. We are equal and equally support each other in the processing of working parents' guilt based on our common experience. They take the seedling to the doctor.Although times change, the working father often feels guilty about giving everything to his children and respecting his career. This is because creating such a balance means that we have to get rid of the traditional "working father" image.Working fathers are better placed to carry out parenting tasks that are traditionally tied to mothers, so they can be more equal in parenting. After all, we do all this for the kids. (VIA)Related links:

The first 24 hours of a mother

The first 24 hours of a mother

Suddenly you see him. After nine months of waiting, of uncertainties and fears. Of sensations that you have never experienced before. And finally you have him in your arms. You are already a mother! Your first time, like all the first times, makes you mourn, thrill you... Ydoubt, yes, doubt. And that strange feeling of happiness and fear takes over you irremediably.

At first you don't want to be separated from him, from your child. As much as the nurses explain to you that you better rest, you don't want to rest. I kept looking at me daughter. To admire it. To watch over her. It was a sensation that he had never experienced. The afraid for something to happen to him kept me alert every second. I didn't want to sleep.

There was a moment when his hand gripped my finger. I felt that that moment joined me for life. With that invisible tie that ties the mothers. I thought about him future, in what I still had to live. And then came the Vertigo. That afraid not knowing how to cope with your task. Because you have never been a mother. Because this is your first time. Because nobody ever taught you the most important subject.

So you see, the first 24 hours with your child are an explosion of uncontrollable sensations. Of love, of happiness, Doubts, the afraid, the responsibility. And you suddenly understand that all that, all that you are feeling, is to be mother. You also have a feeling that it won't be just that day, nor the next. That it will be for the rest of your life.

Yeah the first thing you feel like mother is happiness. An extreme happiness. You breathe relieved to see that everything is fine. That she has her little fingers in order, her skin somewhat red or yellowish still from childbirth. Who is in good health and tries to hold onto your chest to eat. But then you see that the milk still hasn't come out and your child is crying. And the anguish begins to invade you again. And no matter how much they tell you how to position yourself or how to hold your child, you see that you do not get it. This, breastfeeding, is one of the main concerns that a woman encounters. mother in its early hours. That, and the fear when something happens, that suddenly your child stops breathing. Not being able to wake up every three hours to feed him.

But this is all normal, all mothers have felt the same. In those first 24 hours you start the most difficult race. The most rewarding. Not without obstacles and doubts. Yes, it is the hardest profession: the profession of mother. If you just became a mother, welcome to class!

You can read more articles similar to The first 24 hours of a mother, in the category of Mother's Day on site.

Pumpkin pie with me

Pumpkin pie with me

A delicious recipe Pumpkin pie with me. The recipe is recommended for babies of 1 year +.

environment

  • 2 matching pumpkins
  • 2 tomatoes
  • 1 small onion
  • 1 parsley root
  • 1 cup of millet
  • parsley

The onion and parsley root are placed on the small grater and boiled in water with a little olive oil; Add the peeled tomatoes and seeds and cut into small cubes;

Then add the pumpkin cleaned with peel, seeds and cut into cubes and once with it and millet; At the end, add the finely chopped parsley;

Tags Recipes for pumpkin children Recipes for children red Recipes for children over 1 year

Fathers and their children: discipline

When we say the father is authoritarian in front of our eyes, we said what I said and of course, a figure that punishes the revival of the stop. While the definition of fatherhood used to represent temsil authority ”and“ punishment Esk, what is the meaning of discipline for today's fathers and how do fathers manage their relationship with their children? The answer to this question Psychologist Ani Eryorulmaz Giving.

The true meaning of the word discipline comes from the Latin discipline, which means the person who learns. In other words, when we try to educate our children in a disciplined way, what we do (rather than punish them) is an effort to educate them how to behave or not to behave with instructions and experiences. Psychologist Ani Eryorulmaz Sa While punishing the child for obeying rules and accepting authority within the meaning of the discipline, we acknowledge that seeing the “educator” side of the discipline is more beneficial for the child's development. In fact, the aim of the discipline of the child is under his control, even if no one tells him to follow the rules, the environment and the environment can behave in accordance with the fathers were responsible for the moral development of the child.

But how do today's fathers behave so that their children can control themselves?

We receive the answer from Ani Eryorulmaz. Hepimiz We all know that there is an interest between child-rearing styles and how children can control themselves. The researches show that the first years of childhood are very important and that the parents who meet the needs of the child and who stimulate it form a basis for the child to gain control of the child. Patterson (1980) showed in a study of Patterson and Lytton (1980) these difficult babies have seen a lot of work for their father. These babies are more easily able to deal with the father, or when the father is found with the mother, it is found that the babies are less likely to be in contrast with the mother.

Consistency is essential for discipline

Discipline can only be achieved when there is consistency. When we see discipline as öğret teaching a series of patterns of behavior ”, the role of fathers is more than we think. Because when the father does not play this role or in the absence of the father, not only the child but the whole family system is damaged and affected. If the father does not fulfill his responsibilities in the family system (not only making money, but also the responsibility of the father, including child care, discipline), then mothers feel very unsupported, left out, angry. That makes the already difficult baby or child even harder. If only this is good, the father's disappearance as a role model, the child appears to be not feeling well at all because of being left without support for the mother to take role models. When fathers sometimes say lum my son / daughter became like her mother, she screams at everything and gets angry bir, while one side of the money tells us that the child takes her role as a role model, the other face can show that the father who complains does not have much support.

Campell (2002) states that the father's lack of support for the mother in child discipline increases the severity and duration of the problems between mother and child.

When parents try to raise their children, they should keep in mind how important the relationship they have with them is. Environments where there is no punishment, encouraged behavior, disliked behaviors are ignored, where parents agree and support each other are ideal for raising healthy children.

From 2 years: Lucie is gone

All the mothers of France fear them, and yet they have evolved well in recent years. To note: the nutritional equilibrium and hygiene progressed appreciably.

Of course, this place where your child can spend between 20 and 40 minutes is a collective place, watched by a handful of adults and nothing guarantees that your cherub will have finished his plate at the end of the meal.

So, in order, are you saying that it's just 4 meals a week? There are 27 in the week, including breakfast.

Then parents of elected students can ask to attend a meal. Suggest them, if you are really worried and if they have not already thought about it.

In kindergarten, we sleep half the time

That's right, at least for the first part of the year. It's true and it's necessary! The small section, a priority for the nap activity, is conducted in a room called a dormitory where many small beds are lined up. Your child can have his blanket by his side, sometimes even his pacifier ... happiness, then.

Carole Renucci

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DIY house announcement View the slideshow

Baby is born ... and he is unique! To announce the news, why not make your birth announcement yourself by appealing to your creativity ... and the inspiration of these DIY homemade announcements that we have found for you on Pinterest!

DIY house announcement (14 photos)

House Announcement

As a gift ... made with a pair of baby socks and a photo, this announcement can be declined at will with many models.
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House Announcement

Here, the mother of little Juliette offers a very simple and well explained tutorial. Then you have to decline other themes, with stars, hearts, teddy bears ...
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House Announcement

A paper casserole to announce the news? A well played idea on the blog Mom Bidouille.
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House Announcement

A simple idea made with ribbon measurements. It's your turn !
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House Announcement

A picture of a baby with all his "infos" proudly displayed on a T-shirt ... a DIY to make with iron-on transfer paper compatible with your printer.
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House Announcement

The mother who made these cocotte announcement has received a lot in its own way as a congratulation! on his blog De Bulles en Aiguilles.
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House Announcement

A funny and eco-friendly announcement made with Kraft paper. You will find on this blog all the explanations and the boss of the bear cub.
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House Announcement

A brand new baby? Announce it with an egg! An original idea.
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House Announcement

When we open the kite ... baby makes his appearance. A photo that can be taken out completely with the zipper to keep it if you want. On the back, all the info on baby.
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House Announcement

A funny and original announcement to announce the hatching of this brand new baby.
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House Announcement

When you open the box, there is a garland with baby's face and confetti! A fun and economical announcement.
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House Announcement

A small bag sewn by hand, pebbles painted, all accompanied by a message with photo montage, this mom was strong for the birth of his little Lilou.
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House Announcement

A gourmet idea to copy ... without moderation!
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House Announcement

Get inspired by this advice sheet from the Creava website to create an invitation with colorful and childish patterns.
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Tricks to improve and train resilience in children

I want to explain to you in the simplest way possible the meaning of a term that has been playing a lot lately: resilience.

Imagine a pencil that breaks it in half. What happen? that is broken and will no longer return to its primary state. It may be that you stick it with glue or tape, that you try to put it together, but already will not return to its previous state.

Now imagine a bamboo pole, we try to break it, we bend it but it always returns to its previous shape.

If we transfer it to people, the pencil would be a non-resilient person, and the bamboo a resilient person, a person who adapts to changes and manages them appropriately. As we can improve and train resilience in children?

"The human capacity to assume flexibly borderline situations and overcoming them is resilience. " In addition, thanks to this capacity we can face crises, traumatic situations, and even discover in ourselves resources that we thought we did not have to face these situations.

So resilience is something we can develop. It is positive to train children in these 3 very easy but at the same time basic aspects, in order to develop this capacity in them.

1. Teach him to know himself more. That he knows his limits, his virtues, his emotions, his feelings, etc ... I propose the technique of the "pot of Ketchup"; I asked him what if it were a pot of ketchup, why should we buy it and why not? in this way you are invited to go deep inside, analyze yourself and make self-criticism.

2. Teach him to be more flexible and to relativize. We have to teach them to be flexible, to improve their adaptation. For this I propose the Technique of Consequences. Invite him to think of a concern that is what he or she important enough; Suppose you are going to fail English, then we ask you to write down the things that you do not want to happen in your life, and you will surely write something like: I don't want to die, I don't want my parents to separate, I don't want to be sick, etc ...

Once you have written it, we link them to your concern:

- If you fail English are you going to die? Obviously not.

- If you fail English will your parents separate? Obviously not.

- If you fail English are you going to get sick? Obviously not.

Thus in this way we confront our children so that calibrate what is really important , relativize and adapt depending on the importance of the circumstances or situations.

What we must also teach him is that suspending surely responds more to a lack of attitude or responsibility than to other causes.

You can read more articles similar to Tricks to improve and train resilience in children, in the category of Conduct on site.

How to Develop Emotional Resilience with Emotional Intelligence. Robin Hills

Science for children. The disappearing coin

Learn and teach your children to make a coin disappear in plain sight. With this experiment, children will be able to understand the phenomenon of refraction. In Guiainfantil.com we have a lot experiments with water to enjoy with the family. Check the channel and our page to learn more.

IMPORTANT: Remember that all experiments for children must be carried out with the guidance of an adult, as a way to prevent accidents.

Editor: Alvaro Leal

You can read more articles similar to Science for children. The disappearing coin, in the category of on-site experiments.